Sunday, March 20, 2011

A no-no with children

I was exchanging banters with my folks (my elder sister, my wife, my niece, my daughter and my mother) in Seberang Baroh when my sister recalled that our mother told her when we were small that she found my sister in Kampuong Batu Hampar whereas your truly was found in Kampung Bukit Titi. Both kampung are in close vicinity of kampung Manir, Kuala Terengganu. The story was confirmed by our mother.. She recalled saying those things when she cannot cope with our antics.. ” buas and barrok” (Trengganu-speaks for wild and naughty ).

My sister always (until she was 11 years old, at least) thought that she was an adopted daughter and yours truly was, however, too young and insensitive to be bothered by that “found in Bukit Titi” story.

Then my niece recounted a story that yours truly always told her that she (daughter of my elder sister) is engaged to yours truly, she was 10 years old then. The niece, now, a happily married lady, told us that she hated me whenever I visit her mother.. she would be wide awake at night.. asking herself whether she have to be married even though she was only 10 years old.. she did not dare to ask her mother .. this goes on for quite some time until an ustazah (a lady religious teacher) told her that her uncle cannot marry her ..

bread vendor by scalerman from trekearth

Then she relates a story that her mother told her that her elder sister was given to the family by a Chinese friend when she was young baby.. the reason for the sister’s fair skin.. and that she herself was given away to the family by an Indian bread seller.. the reason for her dark skin. The niece went on and told us that she always told her friends at school that she and her sister were actually adopted children.

My better half recounted her story about her niece being told that she was given to the family by an Indian handyman when she was quite small. Later she was told that a particular Indian man who came to the kampong as her father.. The niece would always be on the lookout for that particular Indian man and when he was around she would approach him with her smile.. looking kindly at him without as much as saying a word.

Then, out of the blue, my sister talked about a day when my mother was bantering with my niece about “the so-called Indian parent”. Sometimes later, an old Indian man was seen in close vicinity .

My niece said “Here come your husband, grandma...”

“Ah there goes you grandpa” my mother quipped almost instantly..

Here is to hoping that we are given the courage and guidance not to repeat others mistakes.

Have a good day.


Aishah said...

Whatever happened to the story that the policeman will come and take you away if you misbehave?

In my case though, I was scared of the "pakcik longkang". Can you imagine that once we had nice 'pakciks" clean the drains in front of the house every morning!

Cute story Wan Sharif. Thank you.

Lili said...

Hahaha, this is funny and sounds familiar too!

When I was a little girl, my siblings always tout me with this nasty story about me being an adopted child because of my fair skin. And they were so convincing because my father's Chinese friend that I knew, whom they had suggested among themselves.. hehe... was my real father seemed befitting! I cried everyday, until my mother put a stop to it once and for all. And to think my name is LILI! Hahaha))

Even now, they still call me by that uncle's surname, sometimes! Muahahaa!

Wan Sharif said...

Aishah.. In our eagerness to ensure that our children toe the line.. we forgot that our actions or words might affect their social or emotional growths.. We made our children dislike or to be scared of people who doing good deed to us in our daily life.
Sometime we forgot that children looked up to us (their parent or elders) so much so that our words or actions (even in jests) are etched in their innocent minds..
Perhaps you remember the joke told by Rasullullah to old folks +- "Old folks do not go to heaven". One lady cried on hearing that only to be told that on the day of Judgement everybody would be of about optimal age..
That even in jest, our beloved Rasul still spoke the TRUTH !
May Allah give us courage to uphold truth at all times.

Wan Sharif said...

Lili.. yes you were at the butt of sibling jealousy.. you being of fairer skin than the others..
In your case you would not be swallowing hook,line and sinker as those bad jibes were said by your sibling.. unlike children being told by their own parent that they look up upon..
Oops!.. they are still at it after all these years.. oh they must be pulling your legs or saying those things in jest..
Thank you for sharing your personal experience on the subject.

Sir Pök Déng said...

Hope that I am not offending anyone here. My late dad was from Kampung Teluk Pasu. Looking at the map, it is located close to Manir. (so that non Terengganunese can get the general idea of what I am going to tell).

I don't really like the idea of making this kind of story; which is saying that "you're my adopted child, your true father is someone else you don't know" or something like that.

For crying out loud, it happened in my dad's family!

Know what, I saw the victim of this 'deadly' prank cried and she really wanted to know who her real mother is. And surprisingly the adults who were the masterminds of this prank were giggling, and keep poking her sense of curiosity, saying "horr... mi dok tau pong sape mok sebenor Ika. Mi dok tahu pong! Aaa laa padang. Ika bukang anok Mi," followed by a guffaw of her siblings.

My late Father was married to Mother, a lass from Gong Kapas, the more civilized part of Kuala Terengganu. In there, they don't do this kind of prank.

Once again, hope that I am not offending anyone here.

Wan Sharif said...

Dear Sir Pök Déng,
You are not offending me.. if that's what worry you.. It start with a small jovial enough prank usually when the child has been very naughty.. it is a bad practice.. as my earlier comments to Aishah and Lili above..
I only realized it was very bad last Friday.. so what you say is true.. it is a very bad attempt.. no justification or excuse can hide the fact that it should not be practiced..
The entry here is made with that realization... if it can make anyone avoid the same mistakes then I consider my effort of putting up post is worthwhile..
Thank you for sharing your personal experience and view on the subject.

Al-Manar said...

Takmboh komeng ape ape. Malah nok mmikir banyok bayok.

Wan Sharif said...

Molek jugok kalu gittu.. mmikir bbanyok..

yohteh said...

...mentioning Bukit Ttiti and Batu Apo... they're too close to me... my late Tokki was from Bukit Ttiti leaving behind quite a number of spupus-spapes, one of them resides in Batu Apo... all I may say it's in a Pulau Babi prefecture...

Cat-from-Sydney said...

Ayoh Wang,
It's the other way round in my household. Mama would threaten to adopt out anyone who misbehaves. Doesn't matter what race, creed or faiths. So far, none has left the nest.
In another culture, there's a "believe" that babies were delivered by the stork. Hmmm....that's to avoid giving lessons on procreation to young kids, I guess. purrr....meow!

Wan Sharif said...

Yohteh.. My mother has been in that area for quite some time back in the 60-70's .. reason for her to specifically mention the two kampungs. We have some relatives in that Pulau Bahagia Prefecture.. I did frequented a relative that goes by the name of Chek Bbaru near Telok Nnara, Allahyarhammah used to be a good masseur and most of my relatives went there for sakit urat..

Wan Sharif said...

Threats to adopt out anyone who misbehaves... may affect children mind if not that of felines.. it will lead to insecurities.. c'est la raison for your recent post, perhaps...
"babies were delivered by the stork" atatement to avoid giving lessons on procreation to young kids.. your guess is appropriate if not absolutely correct..

ninotaziz said...

My policy with the girls - and it is always a challenge - always the truth. Or nothing at all, which sometimes means I will delay the answer.

And never never lie to your Mum - she will always find out and get doubly mad - much better to face the music in the first place because she NEVER forgets.

White lies to Daddy is ok.

Coffee Girl said...

The things we tell children... we forgot they have such pure and clear memory. haha...

Lee said...

Hi Wan Sharif, ha ha, love this posting. I guess a lot of parents have similar ways of scaring their kids when young.
My grandmother told me when I was 6 that my mother bought me from that Tung Shin hospital at Jalan Pudu, KL.

But I guess today not easy to fool kids anymore this computer age.
You keep well, best regards.

Wan Sharif said...

Thank you for taking time from your busy schedule to share with us you policy with your children.
Now I know why I had so much problem with my better half.. I hardly remember what I said yesterday.. and she never forgot!?!!.. my oh my.... I better shut my trap from now onwards, only talk about weather with her.. macam lah boleh ha,ha,ha..

Wan Sharif said...

Dear Coffe Girl,
In our eagerness to better educate them.. sometimes we forgot our that part.. pure and clear memory.. and can be easily influenced.. especially if they trust us..parents..

Wan Sharif said...

Brother Lee,
I guess the parents only scare the naughty children.. it can be seen that both of us are no angel ;)).
You would be surprised even in this computer age.. their trusting mind still believe a lot of thing told by their parent or those they trust.. teachers, peers and elders (not naughty one like us I supposed)..
You keep healthy and safe, warmest regards (in cool Ontario), have you tried fishing in lake/river covered with ice?..